When I started blogging back in 2003, I don’t really think I understood what blogging really could be. I just made my xanga into, in sorts, a pulse blog. A lot of the things I wrote made no sense, and really I didn’t understand why anyone even read it. But then I figured it out, people were only trying to get comments by commenting. Ah-ha! There we go, that’s why so many strangers were interested, I what was I consider an easy target. My blog didn’t make sense, therefore their comment didn’t need to make sense, and for whatever reason, I felt compelled to respond.

Xanga died for a while, I mean it really seemed dead for the years of 2004- 2005, maybe even until 2006, but during that time, I learned what it really was to write for myself. To really love my own writing. Sure it would have been nice to have some visitors, but it was rare. I even had a written journal I carried with me everywhere. I really valued that journal more than most of the friends I had in that school. Journals never told secrets, they were available at any time and I could always confide. I could always be myself.

Always.

It wasn’t until about mid- last year that I noticed there seemed to be, more people. I saw some video blogs of some of what I believe were the xanga administrators, and you know what? I thought it was neat, but with that – came a lot of changes. I came out of the hermit shell of my own blog and found all of the features and such.. it was weird.. then came the “ish” sites. I still wasn’t sure as to what they were, but didn’t deny them either. I look at myself now and realize that this blog has really been through all my rough times, my heart ache, my moments of happiness, my nonsensical moment and even became a place for me to study and write my school papers. Even though I had no will to really write them, it was easier because I was writing them in a comfortable friendly environment. It left some of my passer –by xangans confused, but hey, to me it really didn’t matter.

I never would have thought xanga would be all that it is today to me. Im not gonna lie and say that xanga has the best friends that Ive ever had, but I will say that my xanga friends may know more than my friends in real life. But that is my fault. I realize that you teach people how to treat you in most cases and I never let my friends know that it was ok to talk to me on certain levels, so years into the friendship, there are things that have been compromised. I don’t really thing this blog had too much of a purpose, but I fest it was nessecary to mention that xanga covers a section of my life, that many will never know. For those that do read, Im glad I could share it with you. For those I do talk to, Iill let you know that your probably one of the few. Yes I comment A LOT, but I don’t really talk a lot on here.

Xanga is my indirect way to get it all out.

Thank you Xangans, for making this the atmosphere that it is.

- Nelle.